Being Single

Let’s talk about relationships.

More specifically, the lack of a relationship. 

People who jump from one relationship to the next, long or short-term ones, and spend the small amount of time in between thinking about finding someone new.

I think it’s sad.  Not that people like being in relationships or meeting and clicking with other people.  But that they aren’t happy not being in a relationship.  That they can’t bear to spend their single periods focusing on things other than starting a new relationship.  That they spend too much time bashing their exes immediately following a breakup (whether it’s warranted or not) then they begin to look for someone new right away.  Sometimes they don’t meet anyone they’re interested in for a little while, so they contemplate going back to the exes that they know are not good for them.  Sometimes they meet people they aren’t particularly interested in but continue to see them anyway, because it’s better than being alone.  This is the problem.

Right after a breakup, take some time to heal.  Not too long, it’s not good to dwell, but just a few days to a week to feel a little down, and then stop.  Don’t bash your ex on Facebook or Twitter (showing that you’re happy and doing well makes you seem stronger, and it’s the best revenge after a bad breakup); don’t initiate any undesired contact; just try to redirect your thoughts and energy somewhere else.  And please, don’t make that “somewhere else” a someone else if you’re really just uncomfortable being single.

People who feel they can’t be happy being single, or alone, need to be single more than they realize.  If you just went through a breakup, especially the breakup of a long relationship, and you suddenly don’t know what to do with your time, you need to focus on yourself.  A lot of couples do everything together (which I don’t recommend, anyway) and one or both of the people in the relationship may find that they don’t have their own interests or hobbies separate from their partner anymore.  Being single is the perfect time to find out what you are interested in personally, what you love to do and are passionate about, and to throw yourself into your passion wholeheartedly.  (It’s also a great time to surround yourself with supportive friends!)  Actively searching for an activity or cause that you love is much better than actively searching for someone to date, and trying out different hobbies is much better than a string of lackluster first dates (and the decision to no longer pursue an uninteresting hobby is much easier than deciding not to continue seeing someone who might have felt more strongly about you.)

Once you find what you’re really passionate about, you’ll have the opportunity to meet people with the same interests and your passion will be evident (and attractive) to those you meet.  You’ll be happy with yourself and comfortable between relationships knowing that singledom is not the end of the world.  When you’re happy on your own, you’ll be able to bring that confidence and maturity to future relationships, making them that much more rewarding and successful.  When you have your own passions, and your friends, you’ll find you’re never really alone.

~ Alyssa