-When to lose it... Everyone has their opinon, you hear it from your parents, your friends, at school, in the media, at church, etc. ("You're still a virgin?" "You better not be having sex!") Before or after marriage, it is really all up to you. At a certain point in life you will form your own beliefs on these issues. There is nothing wrong with doing it and there is nothing wrong with waiting 'til marriage. You need to make this decision on your own and you can not allow anyone to pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do (or, once you're ready, to stop you from those things you really want to do).
-So you have become very curious about sex. Are these thoughts wrong? Absolutely not! Everybody thinks about sex (the ones who deny that most vehemently probably think about it even more). Eventually, people get these urges and it's okay to ask questions. And yes, it's still okay to be curious even if you believe that you are way too young to be engaging in sexual activities. You should ask questions to the person that you trust most before you have sex. This can be your parents, your big sister, your friends, or any other person that you feel the most confident and open with. I believe that girls should be well educated about these things, and once you know the answers it will be easier for you to form your own opinion on sex. Education is the key to success, and, often, safe sex!
-My boyfriend has had sex, so I should just do it to keep him happy, right? No, that is a really dumb idea for a lot of reasons. If he just wants sex, he just could do it and move on to another girl; it doesn't make your relationship stronger. Besides, in a relationship, you need to do what makes you happy, not just him. (With and without sex, happy relationships thrive on a good balance of give and take, you know what I mean?) Doing justice for yourself is so much better than just giving in to the desires of your boyfriend. Listen to yourself and your beliefs before you decide to make any rash decisions like that. And also, if you are in your teens, sometimes you really don't truly know what you want in a guy. Even if you feel like you are in love, it could just be your hormones speaking for you. Also, if you have sex for this reason, you may regret it in the future. So, no, you do not have to have sex with your boyfriend if he has. This rarely will keep him and will only cause more problems in the future. It's much better to keep your own values than to keep a man who requires sex when you're not ready (you don't want to keep that man anyway, girl.)
-So whether you feel the pressure because you and your partner are talking about doing it, or you have begun a relationship with someone who has done it before, you need to talk to your partner about this issue. You have to let them know how you feel, if you don't want to do it at all or want to wait until you are absolutely sure that they are the right one to do it with. You need to set your boundaries right away. A strong relationship starts with good comunication and honesty. (Really.) Do not lie and tell your partner that you've done it; that is a terrible idea! He may think that you would be okay if he tries to touch you and get you in the mood. Telling him how you feel will not only make you feel better, he also will appreciate that you trust him enough to tell him these things. If your partner tries to pressure you anyway, you know that they aren't the right person for you and you should terminate that relationship immediately. (Immediately. I mean it.) If you end up just giving in, you will not have as good of a time having sex and you will end up resenting it. There is also nothing wrong with asking a guy what he wants from a relationship. You two need to be honest with each other, as this can help you decide if this is the right person for you. Bottom line, if a guy really cares for you, whether he's a virgin or not, he will wait until you are ready.
-Just be aware, try to decide on your views right away or you could end up being a tease to your partner. This is especially true for guys, if you two are having a heated moment and you back out at the last minute, this can be very annoying to him. Doing this a few times, will end up causing problems in your relationship. Guys do not like being teased, and generally they can get into that moment really quickly and he can assume that hes going to get some. Teasing them is not fair to them, so do not do that.
-So, you have found the right person and finally decided that you are ready to have sex. Well wait, you have a lot of concerns about it. Like, "omg someone besides myself is actually going to see me naked.. what will they think!?" "How will it feel, am I making a mistake!?" First off, you need to relax, because stressing about this and being nervous can prevent you from having a good first time. Also, since you have chosen someone who really cares about you, he will love you no matter what and he should also be someone who makes you feel very relaxed and calm. If you two care for each other, it may not be perfect, but you should do your best to make sure that you both are having a good time. Relax, be safe, and have fun.
-Another thing to be aware of, you can have the expectations, but know that what you expect may not be reality. I always think of That '70s Show, when Jackie tells Donna how she imagines her first time with Michael (Jackie: "Just so you know, Donna, when I finally decide to do it with Michael, I have the whole thing planned out. First, I'll be wearing a very sexy reinoir." Donna: "Don't you mean peignoir?" Jackie: "Yeah, okay, whatever, stop ruining this Donna." Donna: "Okay." Jackie: "And then, there'll be candles everywhere. But also, there'll be a gigantic banner." Jackie's fantasy reveal a huge banner above the bed that reads "Jackie + Michael= Together Forever") Now don't get me wrong, it's nice to think about how you would like your first time to go, but a lot of the time it doesn't end up turning out totally the way you want it to. Sex can be a messy thing and not everyone has a great first time. When you get to this point, just do your best to take in the moment and enjoy it. If it doesn't go as well at first, don't worry, sex is supposed to get better the more you do it. You know, practice makes perfect.
-So my main message is that it is okay to still be a virgin. You, as an educated female, will make good decisions when it comes to sex. Just be yourself and be proud, not ashamed, of having this title. Someday you will find that special someone, and it doesn't matter how long it takes, the time will come once you are ready. Then there will be no need to second guess yourself, because you will have the intelligence and a wonderful person to help you enjoy the entire experience. When you feel ready, always practice safe sex. I know that you may be told this soooo many times and it will be annoying to hear time and time again, but it is an important thing to think about. This will make having sex become a lot less stressful, and no one wants to deal with the unwanted consequences.
~ Katrina
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